A Satire: Dalat Student “tired,” “busy.”

Penang, Malaysia—According to local reports, a Dalat student was spotted with dark circles under his eyes and messy hair on Wednesday, the 2^nd of November. Upon being asked how he was, he replied “tired” and “busy” with a lethargic tone. Somehow, the student couldn’t find the time to do his homework, apply for colleges, attend mandatory X-blocks, practice for his sport’s team, eat regularly, spend time with friends, and get eight hours of sleep.

Pushing for a higher G.P.A. meant longer study sessions after school for the student, and he had to sacrifice some sleep, culminating in an overwhelming sense of busyness, stress, and anxiety. It is rumored that school officials will open an investigation to evaluate whether this is simply an isolated case or whether it’s a widespread epidemic. An unnamed teacher “fear[s] the worst.” School administration will deal with the issue according to their findings. “If this is indeed an isolated case, no intervention will be needed,” an expert assured The Scribble. “If busyness does affect many students, administration may need to institute mandatory stress-management X-blocks, and perhaps even require students to attend obligatory ‘Fun days’ on Saturday to help reduce stress. That will surely resolve the issue.”

If you suspect that you may be affected by busyness, or fear that a loved one may be suffering, some common symptoms include: tiredness from lack of sleep, general depression, unshakable feelings of angst, dark circles under eyes, a lack of relaxation time, and the inability to focus or concentrate. Don’t worry, though, stress is only “the basic cause of 60% of all human illness and disease,” and it increases the risk of heart disease by only 40%, the risk of heart attack by only 25%, and the risk of stroke by only 50% (stress.org). Don’t stress it; it’s no big deal.