DINGBAT DALAT STUDENT SPENDS PRECIOUS TIME CONJURING UP SELF-REFERENTIAL SENIOR SCRIBBLE RATHER THAN GATHERING LEGITIMATE WORK
Yusoof Monawvil
PENANG, MA - As the deadline drew near and the stars aligned in the night sky above the majestic waters of the Strait of Malacca, one particular Dalat student—Yusoof Monawvil (12), despite a plethora of school events to select and report on—opted instead to spend a remarkably well-wasted 24 minutes staring at a blank Google Docs page, fruitlessly drawing up and shooting down brainstormed ideas.
In a moment of sheer and undeniable epiphany, Monawvil deemed it only fitting to self-referentially satirize his own ingrained incompetence and dingbattery. Commenting on the flash of insight, Monawvil quoted himself, saying: “It all just kinda made sense. I went on DISCourse to look at the little rubric thing Ms. Grad and Mr. Hieber posted, and I checked if I was following all of the guidelines... And I technically am/was; [N]ot like there’s any specific direktive [sic] prohibiting self-quoting.”
In a turn of events, Monawvil did come to find his self-quoting endeavor lazy and perhaps lacking in effort. In an effort to secure the rubric requirement in a safe manner for at least one correctly attributed quote, Monawvil turned around in his swivel chair to ask a lackadaisical and conveniently placed Justus Goh (12) for a quote on his opinion of the entire matter; to which he replied “How about you just cite this particular moment where you ask me for a quote and I tell you that you should quote what I’m saying right now?” Monawvil concurred with Goh’s opinion.
Critics such as Tyler Ronning (10), coincidentally seated two seats over from Monawvil in the B-Lab, decried the Senior Scribble article, saying “Yeah, it’s more than kinda lazy. It’s called .... Yeah.. Uh.. That’s it.” Monawvil retorted to this most stinging of criticisms, citing the fact that hardly anyone besides the teachers who grade this piece actually read the Senior Scribble.
PENANG, MA - As the deadline drew near and the stars aligned in the night sky above the majestic waters of the Strait of Malacca, one particular Dalat student—Yusoof Monawvil (12), despite a plethora of school events to select and report on—opted instead to spend a remarkably well-wasted 24 minutes staring at a blank Google Docs page, fruitlessly drawing up and shooting down brainstormed ideas.
In a moment of sheer and undeniable epiphany, Monawvil deemed it only fitting to self-referentially satirize his own ingrained incompetence and dingbattery. Commenting on the flash of insight, Monawvil quoted himself, saying: “It all just kinda made sense. I went on DISCourse to look at the little rubric thing Ms. Grad and Mr. Hieber posted, and I checked if I was following all of the guidelines... And I technically am/was; [N]ot like there’s any specific direktive [sic] prohibiting self-quoting.”
In a turn of events, Monawvil did come to find his self-quoting endeavor lazy and perhaps lacking in effort. In an effort to secure the rubric requirement in a safe manner for at least one correctly attributed quote, Monawvil turned around in his swivel chair to ask a lackadaisical and conveniently placed Justus Goh (12) for a quote on his opinion of the entire matter; to which he replied “How about you just cite this particular moment where you ask me for a quote and I tell you that you should quote what I’m saying right now?” Monawvil concurred with Goh’s opinion.
Critics such as Tyler Ronning (10), coincidentally seated two seats over from Monawvil in the B-Lab, decried the Senior Scribble article, saying “Yeah, it’s more than kinda lazy. It’s called .... Yeah.. Uh.. That’s it.” Monawvil retorted to this most stinging of criticisms, citing the fact that hardly anyone besides the teachers who grade this piece actually read the Senior Scribble.
I read the senior scribble, and it's a good thing or I wouldn't have seen this gold!
ReplyDeleteThis is the best thing on the Internet.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Btw, I have actually read every single senior scribble since it's conception! So... only the English teachers + me? ;) - Mrs. Morken
ReplyDeletewell, I had to read very slowly and refer to a diagram to follow the Meta. But I found it hilarious and entertaining just the same - a parent reading from home.
ReplyDeleteI read the senior scribble sometimes :))
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