Not Another Thing About Christmas?

Justus Goh

It’s almost Christmas, and even more almost Christmas break! But amidst all the presents and decorations and the like, especially here, it’s necessary to remember the true meaning and traditions of Christmas. Modern Christmas has become so soft, so commercialized in this modern age. We have lost so many old cultural practices and so much meaning to the inexorable march of the legions of consumerism in this modern age. What is the true meaning of this season? What should it be like? Obviously, a mad bacchanalian carnival of anarchy, social havoc, and quasi-paganism, as the Medieval pioneers of the tradition did. As finals begin to end this year, and Christmas break begins, consider abandoning the tinsel and toppling the Christmas tree onto a pyre; reject these icons of modern Christmas and celebrate a truly traditional, truly consumerism-free Christmas.

First among Christmas traditions is obviously the recreational frightening of strangers. Even unto the late Renaissance in Northern Europe, it was custom among young men to adorn themselves in terrifying masks and ambush people while acting like ghosts, trolls, or many of the other delightful occupants of the space beneath your bed. More gender-inclusively, the effectiveness of such activities were boosted by the especially Icelandic tradition of recounting terrifying folklore and spreading tales of unstoppable monsters that occupied homes for their strange revels, something that would certainly be magnificent revived. All this might inspire a particularly terrified peasant to seek aid from the local Bishop, but that peasant might be encountered with a very unecclesiastical young boy, unfit for banishing demons.

Even acknowledged by royalty, the tradition of consecrating some random boy plucked off the streets to a Bishopric for the day was common in Medieval times. That urchin would then accept tribute from the populace and wield the sometimes formidable powers vested in the Bishopric, decreeing marriages especially. For those without Bishoprics to elevate a child to a more lay tradition is that of the Lord of Misrule, a peasant elected to preside over the Christmas Feast of Fools.

As school begins to end and we dissolve to celebrate Christmas, I urge everyone to remember these old, pre-consumerism traditions and perhaps revive them in your family. Beg you. It may be a futile struggle against the zeitgeist, but as Bolivar said, “If nature is opposed to us, we shall fight her.” I urge all my fellow students to take up this mantle of old Christmas again and end the hollow modern traditions. Perhaps I may be the Grinch waging the War on Conventional Christmas but if I hear another Christmas carol or see another piece of Christmas paraphernalia, I shall scream.